To all the singles out there:

Many of us do not like to be single. We want to always be part of a couple, to have another half, to constantly have someone around us. We need not be physically WITH them, but it’s about them being THE AVAILABLE ONE. We may even claim we are full of love and we want to love someone, which is why we are always attached. However, is it really true?

Ask yourself: Do you have the capability to be alone, all by yourself, with no friends for a couple of weeks? Do you view “being by yourself” as loneliness or solitude? Are you comfortable being in your room or at a café all by yourself? Do you feel depressed whenever Friday and Saturday looms near and you have nothing planned with anybody as yet?

If you panic and feel stressed, depressed and lonely to be by yourself, then you probably have a void in your heart. I’m not saying this is true for everyone who feels this way, but that it COULD BE. There’s a possibility then that you are in a relationship for the companionship, to fill up the void within you. And when this is true, you probably expect a lot of time and attention from your girlfriend. You expect her to be by your side, to “entertain” you, to fill your time, to help you pass your day. You may not realize a lot of these thoughts for if they do exist, they are usually subconscious. But deep within our psyche, void and loneliness could be the driving factor for a lot of unmet expectations.

Think about it: are you a truly whole person?

When do we really fill our hearts with love in the healthiest way possible? Most likely when you are a wholesome being. When you are rid of issues and baggages (or most of them) and they do not enter a relationship to thwart it. When we are confident beings, we know what we want, we do not allow ourselves to be put down, we see things with a clear mind. We lead our lives with a clearer picture of our goals, dreams and ambitions. We are perfectly comfortable with leading our lives with another person, merging her life with ours to make it a joint experience. Similarly, she merges her life with yours and both of you experience something so unique to ourselves.

So how do you hold out until you are filling your heart truly with love, and not filling up the void to fill the heart?

From a technical point of view, most people will say “Take a year off and be by yourself. Explore yourself, your thoughts, your mind, your passion.” I would quite agree with this though the measure of time (a year or 6 months) is pretty subjective. But the gist of it is: be by yourself. Love yourself first. Fill your heart with love for yourself, for then, you will attract people without knowing. And when you do, you have choices. And when you have choice, you will naturally choose the best rather than settle for less, or just settle for whoever’s around just to fill the void. When your heart is filled with love for yourself, whoever manages to find their way into your heart will definitely be someone truly special. Our heart has an indefinite capacity for love. So we will never have lack of space to love another.

So it’s when we are full of love for ourselves, and friends around us, when we are happy and fulfilled people that we emanate positive energy, that we will have the highest chance of finding the right person for us, and be in the right frame of mind to welcome another person into our hearts and lives. Then can we say that we are truly filling the heart. The void has already been displaced with self-love.